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Last night, I got hammered.
I didn’t actually. I’m
kidding… That’s a lie. BUT
I DO REALLY ENJOY RED WINE! This
blog is specifically about the Liquor Control Board of Ontario and how
terrible it is. My Wife and I lived in
Alberta for 5 years, and when we were out there, we became RED WINE
ENTHUSIASTS! You can consider
us Winos; we’re okay with that. Our
friends James & Nestle Clancy, WHO ARE AMOUNG THE BEST FRIENDS YOU CAN
HAVE, got us passionate about grapes from all over the world and we began
drinking everything from grand vins to vins de table.
Our fun included going to food and wine expos, trying every
varietal we could get our hands on, and then experimenting with our
sniffers and palates to see if we could distinguish which wine was from
what grape, (not very successful at it, but good times!).
We tried the recommendations from the American Wine Society and
took in a wine tasting evening put on by a representative from Robert
Mondavi’s California winery. In Alberta, the liquor stores
are not run by the government. I
found that for the most part, they were locally owned Mom and Pop stores,
and the OWNER of the liquor store closest to my old house, WORKED IN THE
STORE AND LOVED RED WINE! He
had a REASON to provide good customer service.
If he didn’t treat his customers right, they could literally go
down the street to the next liquor store and never return to his.
Did I mention that this guy LOVED red wine?! He would read up on ALLLL of the latest trends and then bring
in some great stuff. One day,
I went in just to buy a bottle of wine to have with spaghetti and he not
only APPROACHED ME to make a suggestion for something that would go well
with my meal, he told me how EXCITED he was about some wine that just
arrived. He had read some
reports that had a list of the top 5 bottles under $15, and he HIGHLY
recommended three to me. He
was so PASSIONATE about them that I was on board!
I left with four bottles of wine that night, and I’m not a rich
man. I figured that it was a
lot to spend all in one shot, but that the bottles he was selling me,
WOULD DEFINITELY NOT GO TO WASTE! Besides,
I didn’t want to miss out on those great suggestions.
My wife and I would just have to think of buying that many bottles
at one time as simply STOCKING UP, and that we’d just visit the store
again perhaps a coupl’a weeks later than we usual. On a different occasion
when I visited this man’s store, my son, who was 1 ½ at the time,
knocked over and BROKE three bottles of wine!
It was really my fault for not paying close enough attention.
(Having said that, though, it’s hard for my attention to be on
anything but bottles when in my happy place… THE RED WINE STORE!)
I apologized profusely and offered to pay for them.
He told me not to worry about it because the cork was still in each
of the bottles. Apparently,
he could get full credit for the broken ones because of that, and since I
liked this guy so much (and the fact that I felt guity… J). I bought three bottles that
evening. Let me tell you about my
experience with the LCBO, known to Ontarians simply as “THE Liquor
Store” or as I refer to it: “THE GOVERNMENT MONOPOLIZATION,
TOTALITARIANISM OF ALHOLIC BEVERAGES STORE!!!”
Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself… Since the summer of ’07,
I’ve been back in my hometown of London, Ontario.
I have yet to have anyone come up to me in an LCBO store and ask me
if I would like ANY HELP AT ALL, not even when I’ve been spending A
WHILE looking over what they have for sale.
The latest Statistics Canada census for the population of London,
which was released on March 13th, 2007 lists the city as having
352,395 residents. I counted
a total of 8 liquor stores in the ‘07/’08 London Yellow pages. Therefore, if the 8 stores were evenly distributed throughout
the city, (which they’re not) each store would serve an eighth of
Londoners, which amounts to 44,049 people.
Granted, not all of these people should be drinking alcohol. Especially the infants.
What I’m getting at, is that THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH LIQUOR STORES!! Here is a picture of the
main gym at the fitness club that I go to:
You can’t even see half of
what is in this room. The
free weights area and more units are at the back and around the corner.
I called this the “main gym”, because there are four other
sections that you cannot see in this unaltered picture.
There’s an enclosed relay style set up of roughly 20 more
machines to the right, a large room for aerobics classes on a second
level, an Olympic length swimming pool to the left, AND AN ENTIRELY
DIFFERENT GYM that is exclusively for women, (with many of the same
fitness apparatuses!) THAT IS PART OF THE SAME FACILITY. If the government were to run this business as it does the LCBO, here’s what the gym would look like:
Suppose that an entrepreneur
who LOVED FRENCH RED WINE in particular, were to open a specialty
store RIGHT NEXT TO AN LCBO STORE. Like
the liquor store owner near my old house in Alberta, the owner of this
independent store in Ontario would HAVE A REASON TO PROVIDE GOOD CUSTOMER
SERVICE. Perhaps, he or she might provide recommendations, vintage charts,
food and wine pairing charts, and reports on wine trends by experts from
around the world. This independent owner might also hire or train
Authorities on French red wines – who are eager to share their expertise
and personal preferences with customers.
Basically, this store would serve as a FRENCH RED WINE AUTHORITY.
I BET BUSINESS WOULD GO THROUGH THE ROOF!! In contrast, wouldn’t
be surprised if a bunch of employees at LCBOs throughout Ontario think of this
when the word “palate” is used: My friend Sandra is a
Health Care Worker / HERO at the London Health Sciences Centre, a great
person, perhaps THE BEST LAB TECHNITIAN IN THE WORLD, and a
self-confessed, Margarita Maniac!
She
was telling me recently about her dear friend Mr. Jose Cuervo and how
Tequila is the only kind of Alcoholic drink that she really enjoys.
She likes to add Grand Marnier, as a “floater” on her “Snow
Cone” of a Margarita, as she puts it.
In particular, she LOVES the “Chi Chi’s” brand of already
mixed, ready-to-go, NO WAITING Margaritas made in Owensboro, Kentucky.
Notice
all of the various flavours. Sandra
told me that they only sell the lime mix in Ontario, and although she
LIKES it, it gives her indigestion because it’s so citrusy. I suggested that maybe it’s because she’s drinking SO
MUCH OF IT!?!!? ;)
She agreed, and explained that’s why she ADDS TEQUILA to
these ALREADY MIXED TEQUILA DRINKS!
J My
response to that: “Suuuure
that’s the reason why. J By the
way, did you know that gullible is not in the dictionary?!!!”
;)
Needless to say, Sandra would
also like to buy the other variety of flavoured Tequilas that Chi Chi’s
sells. Unfortunately, it is
not stocked at the ONLY place you can buy it in Ontario, THE Liquor Store
(LCBO); AND GET THIS, THE LCBO WON’T ORDER IT IN FOR HER!?!! NOT EVEN IF SHE WANTS TO BUY A WHOLE CASE!??
This is CRAZY!!?
Now, I don’t think this lady
is a big boozer. Even if she
was, ALL THE POWER TO HER if she’s not letting it ruin her life or those
around her! We live two
hours away from the States and most people I know in London, only go to
the U.S. maybe once or twice a year.
You can imagine that when Sandra crosses the boarder, she fully
intends to STOCK UP ON THIS STUFF. This
leads to another point I want to make.
When I asked her about how much she paid for alcohol in the states,
she replied all WIDE-EYED telling me that picked up a 40 ouncer of Tequila
for under fifteen dollars AND (She was quite enthusiastic about this) IT
CAME WITH A HUGE PLASTIC CUP, THAT WAS JUST PERFECT FOR GETTING
LOADED!!!, I’m kidding actually… That’s a lie.
She didn’t actually say that last part, BUT SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY
THRILLED ABOUT THIS?! This is probably what
the cup looks like: I’m
all for taxing liquor, given that it’s a perk for those of us who can
afford it, but what drives me CRAZY is the LCBO’s “Social
Responsibility” mandate. Basically,
this is to discourage excessive alcohol consumption by charging too much.
I’ve heard the argument that alcohol should be expensive so we
have fewer alcoholics, but if you go with that logic, then maybe the
government should take over FAST FOOD CHAINS & INFLATE THE PRICES!
Heck, they could even provide bad customer service, too, as at the
LCBO and do so ALLLLL IN THE NAME OF “SOCIAL RESPONSIBILTY!”
Sidebar:
While most fast foods are unhealthy, Red wine has been proven to be
beneficial to your cardiovascular health.
A glass of wine a day is considered heart healthy! A bunch of big
studies say it has great antioxidants and lowers heart disease.
J I’m not about to compare ALL
OF THE PRICES of the different alcoholic drinks sold through the LCBO, but
it’s safe to say that the stores have a reputation for high prices. Case in point: When I was at THE Liquor Store
recently, I checked on the price of Tequila. A 40 ouncer of Jose Cuervo was $53.45. Here is the CURRENT flyer from
the Port Huron, Michigan Duty Free Shop:
I don’t want to get
into the whole value of the Canadian dollar thing here, but it’s fair to
say that we’re pretty even with the States. Okay, so follow me here:
This store has a two-for-one deal goin’ on 40s of Jose.
$35.00 gets you two bottles, so that works out to $17.50 each.
At the LCBO, ONE BOTTLE IS $53.45!
If you consider the Canadian dollar at par with the States, you CAN
GET THREE OF THIS EXACT SAME BOTTLE OF ALCOHOL AND HAVE CHANGE LEFT
OVER!!!
I’d like to bring up Howard
Fergusson.
You’re no doubt
thinking, HOWARD WHO?! He was
elected the Premier of Ontario WAY BACK in 1923; yes during the
PROHIBITION era in Canada. IN
1927, he put in place the LCBO, and ONTARIANS WEREN’T EVEN
SURE ABOUT IT BACK THEN!?!?? IT
WENT TO A 51.5 / 48.5 SPLIT IN A REFERENDUM!?!?!!
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT
THIS DUDE!?!
IMAGINE TELEPORTING BACK -
INTO - TIME AND TELLING THIS GUY ABOUT THE INTERNET!!!
HE’D THINK YOU’RE FROM MARS!?!?
I THINK PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HANG ON TO THIS WAY OF SELLING ALCOHOL
ARE FROM MARS!!
I am in favour of controlling
liquor. I think it’s
important to oversee who is buying what, when, where and for how much, so
we can understand our society better and avoid addiction problems in our
community, but I’m not into DICTATORSHIP CONTROL.
Let this hard working friend of mine Sandra relax and enjoy what
she likes to drink most, and from the comfort of her home!
She deserves it. When I think of a head honcho
at the LCBO this comes to mind:
…and I can hear words like
this being said: “This Sandra lady can go to a BAR to get her margarita
fix dummy! TAKE THAT!”
While this is true, maybe she doesn’t WANT to hit the bar scene
just to enjoy a nice drink. Would it not be better for Ontarians to drink AT HOME, rather
than FORCE them to drink in a bar, increasing the chances of having more
drunk drivers on the road? I consider myself to be
a Liberal and will gladly discuss the many great benefits of having a
publicly funded Health Care and School system with anyone, but I feel
we’re being SUPPRESSED by our provincial government in Ontario when it
comes to buying alcohol for drinking at home. THE PROBLEM:
COMPLACENCY MY POINT ON THE LCBO:
LET’S PRIVITIZE THIS PEOPLE!
If ya love red wine,
check these out: www.erobertparker.com www.jancisrobinson.com www.wineloverspage.com
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